Why Dragonborn Wins Under Sanity Rules

 

General reason–Have you played both games?

 

The more elaborate reason–spells.

 

Spell advantage goes to DB in a big way, and with that advantage comes an advantage in options, in mobility, in ranged combat, in recovery, in wincons.

 

You know how in Souls games recovery items are, by design, rare and precious? It’s a huge deal when you add another drink to your estus flask. That’s not the case for Elder Scrolls games. Recovery spells and items are numerous, and not just for HP, but MP. DB pauses the game and eats a billion sweet rolls to heal himself back to full, no big deal. CU on the other hand is forced to watch his estus supply like a hawk.

 

Mobility wise, DB can dash with whirlwind shout, turn ethereal, turn invisible, slow time by 90% for an entire minute fully optimized…DB isn’t going to have a problem running circles around CU. On the off chance he’s losing to CU, DB can make him ethereal and eat a potion. DB can completely control the tempo of the match.

 

Hey, remember how the game had you fight the waifu bait character in snow, because if you couldn’t it wouldn’t be fair because she could turn invisible?

 

Now imagine Priscilla has a dash move and can slow time.

 

Yeah.

 

Now lets talk ranged combat.

 

Here’s what ranged combat is like CU.

 

Here’s what ranged combat is like for DB.

 

Any questions?

 

What’s CU’s path to victory here? Throw out a Lloyd’s talisman and Vow of Silence to block healing and magic for both of them and then win a purely physical fight? Okay, he’s got 15 seconds, and that’s assuming a lot of things go his way. It’s assuming that he can defeat DB in just 15 seconds in hand-to-hand, that Lloyd’s talisman, something created specifically to block estus healing, works at all on potions from another universe and cheese wheel healing, and that Vow of Silence, which doesn’t work on all boss magic, works on both DB’s magic spells and his shouts.

 

What’s more likely? That CU manages to close the gap with the invisible, ethereal, whirlwind sprinting spell slinger, hits with both the talisman and VOS, and wins the swordfight all in 15 seconds, or that the guy with a minute long time slow slaps his shit?

 

“How can CU lose if he just revives at a bonfire every time he dies?”

 

Oh come on now.

 

The revival trick will work once, and only once, on a DB with 100 in his wisdom stat. The moment he sees that the silent, rolling freak with the sunny d flask strapped to his side has come back from the dead to haunt him, he’s going to try something different. He’s going to to pluck out his soul and put it in a soul gem, or turn him into a quadriplegic that can’t reach for his homeward bone or dark sigil (it works like an item) because his arm is several feat from his body, or transmute him with the Wabbajack.

 

And this is all assuming that the bonfire is somehow right outside the battle arena and not several miles away back in Darksouls land. If the bonfire is close enough for CU to make a comeback, it’s close enough for DB to track down the nearby firekeeper and kill her. He’s even got quest spells to help him locate quest objectives like that.

 

“Oh, but the CU’s soul is too special and pretty to be soul sucked!” Yeah, okay, lets entertain this headcannon–that’s what the dragons and especially the big super-immortal dragon Alduin thought about their souls, too, and looked what happened to their dumbasses. Dragonrend, now you’re experiencing the concept of mortality and your soul is being sucked.

 

 

Why Dragonborn Wins Under Swank Rules

 

Okay, let’s say you’re a mentally deficient New Yorker drama kid. The concept of sympathetic magic is beyond you, so you learn how Ludleth was forced to link the Fire by his own people crippling him and tossing him into it and you make a soy face and go “Wa-ow! Star level peasants!”

 

CU becomes what, star level? Because linking the Fire keeps the lights on? Maybe universe level. Sure, the universe existed before and after the fire, but why not? I’m sure the stars not being on in the night sky means CU can swat galaxies away with one mighty fatty roll.

 

Let’s play by those rules.

 

Okay.

 

CU loses even harder now, because DB is a CHIM Buddha Akatosh avatar thing. Just look up the vsbw articles on both of them. They bring out the “immeasurable” word to describe DB. CU gets…let check real quick…

 

Star level.

 

Ouch. That’s quite a gap.

 

The only way CU wins under Swank rules is if the Swanker himself decides to only Swank CU while going MYTH BUSTED on all of DB’s stuff.

 

If their lore-boosts are given equal consideration, DB should slaughter.

 

Even the guys playing devil’s advocate for CU don’t argue that CU wins the first fight. Their arguments are based entirely on CU having nigh-infinite retries. That’s how much of a curbstomp this is in DB’s favor–nobody, except maybe Swank, is arguing for CU to win clean.

 

Anyone remember when Immortal Hulk lost to Broly under the argument that “Yeah he can come back, but not fast enough for it to count as a continuation of the fight.”

 

Just me?