I got a soft spot for Multiverse Match. It’s my favorite Death Battle alternative after Cryptid Crossing (and of course the Forbidden Death Battle Prediction Blog, but who doesn’t love the Forbidden Death Battle Prediction Blog?) and though they sometimes drink deep from cauldron of Swank, sometimes they do turn on their frontal cortexes, and in an age of vs battles where light speed and universe-level power are low-level, I appreciate that.

 

So I thought I’d post my thoughts on his top ten most wanted fights and comment on an alt-Death Battle show for a change of pace. If you want me to talk about more alt-battles in the future, let me know. Leave a comment. You know me, I’m a sucker for attention.

 

10: Ash vs Herbert West

 

Not a bad match at all, and I agree with Max, the two would play off each other very well. Ash’s bumbling vs West’s ego and professionalism, it could make for a really fun fight even if in the end its kind of a blow out for Ash. Herbert never had a sword fight with his evil zombie clone.

 

But I was disappointed when Max said he chose Herbert partly because he couldn’t think of anyone else that would make a good fight for Ash.

 

Max…bro…come on now.

 

Darkman is right there.

 

Jack Burton is right there.

 

9: Disney Princess Battle Royal 

 

Not bad, though I kind of want of think it would be better if you broke it down into separate fights to avoid the big non-power fodder bloat that contains about half of the princesses. Also, Max totally snubbed Kida. What was up with that? You know Death Battle would probably make her city level with the crystal thing. If Mulan was enough to reach the non-fodder group, Kida should be to.

 

Instead of a battle royal, I would do something like:

 

Sleeping Beauty vs Snow White (joke fight), Jasmine vs Mulan (rebellious warrior princesses), Kida vs Moana (cursed by the sea vs chosen by the sea), Rapunzel vs Elsa (repurposed classic fairy tale characters turned into obnoxious CGI cash cow franchises).

 

And yeah, Max is right, Ariel stomps if she’s allowed the trident. The thing controls the seven seas, what are the other princesses supposed to do?

 

8: Jason vs Michael

 

Good man, Max. Good man.

 

Max is completely right that soulless corporate-era Death Battle has abandoned film fights. Jason vs Michael is a fight that needs to be done. Yeah it’s a curbstomp for Jason, its a curbstomp even if you stick just to pre-VI Jason, trust me, I crunched the numbers, but the point of the fight isn’t to be close, the point of the fight is to be entertaining. Just imagine if they do like an old AVGN episode where Chad and Ben and Swank and a couple of rando RT people get caught between two slashers. The fight could have so much soul.

 

7: The Doctor vs Rick Sanchez

 

Uh…can they both die? I hate these shows, I hate their fandoms. Not much for me to say here. Yeah the Doctor probably wins, I guess.

 

6: Gru vs Megamind

 

Not a bad pick, though I’m personally more partial to Syndrome vs Tightan. There’s a lot of potential for fun scenes just on how many gadgets they both have and Max’s suggestion that the fight end with one showing their inner humanity by trying to save the other is touching and demonstrates how much better Death Battle fights would be if, like with Multiverse Match, they actually had them fight in character.

 

5: Peter Griffin vs Homer Simpson

 

Ehhhh I’ve never been a fan of the shows. I’ve seen a few episodes, everyone has, but I’ve never really gotten into them. Not sure who wins. Don’t really care. Max is right that the show would probably be a big draw. I like that Max admits he has a bias towards Peter because he grew up on Family Guy, you don’t really get honesty and self-awareness like that in the vs battle realm and its downright refreshing to see.

 

4: Mordecai and Rigby vs Finn and Jake

 

Is there something I’m missing here? Is it just zoomer cartoon duos with quasi-80’s pop culture references and LOL SO RANDOM sensibilities?

 

I don’t get it. Honestly, I don’t get it.

 

3: Slappy vs Chucky

 

God bless you and keep you, Max. This is a fight I really want to see to. Chucky battling his way through Slappy’s doll army would be kino, pure kino. As for who wins, I think I’d put my marker on Chucky. He’s got enough voodoo magic knowledge to counter Slappy’s magic and when it comes to getting up close and personal, Slappy tends to fold while Chucky doesn’t.

 

2: Micky vs Bugs

 

Oh Christ I’m dreading this one, because Death Battle probably will do it eventually, and it’ll be nothing but wank, headcannon, swank, conjecture, and “what does Bugs drawing Daffy in A Duck Amuck mean?”

 

It would just be Death Battle pulling shit out their ass for the fighter rundowns and then about five mutes or so of Swank trying to write slapstick, and Swank’s slapstick writing abilities can be summed up as “Oh dear god, do you remember Death Race? Remember how cringe it was?” It would be the vs battle equivalent of chewing tinfoil.

 

Gun to my head, Bugs wins, because Micky has played the straight man more often than Bugs, and because I don’t think Micky has a good counter to Bugs just erasing him. Yeah he could jump out of the cartoon, but could he do it before getting erased?

 

1: Freddy Krueger vs Pennywise

 

God no. Oh dear god, no.

 

I barely know where to start with this.

 

I defy Max to read the scene in the book where Penny gets his ass kicked in the Astral macroverse by a child thinking happy thoughts and using a ritual he picked up from a paperback in the local library. I defy him, I challenge him, to read that chapter on youtube channel and then with a straight face say that Pennywise is multiversal.

 

There is no more wanked character than Pennywise. None. Not Saitama, not Superman, not Seiya del tela oro. King fanboys took a creature that lost a dreamscape battle to Bill Denbrough to the point he was begging for mercy and turned him into a multiversal threat through swank, lying, and gaslighting. And the worst part is, Swank would probably accept multiversal Pennywise because his head is full of brain worms and his research amounts to reading reddit.

 

I’m not going to let Max off for wanking Freddy either. Oh no. Star level Freddy? What?

 

Learn what a dream is, Max. Learn what “abstraction” means. There is no scale to dreams. There is no weight, there is no mass, there is no numeric value. Only the autistic would try and apply quantification to dreams because the autistic are incapable of functioning in paradigms that eschew quantification.

 

Trying to apply a “level” to a dream world is Sheldon Cooper level.

Max, why you got to do this to me, man? You throw out some pretty solid matches and then you end on Multiverse Penny and Star Level Freddy.

 

Come on. You’re better than this. You’re better than Death Battle.