Repent, Otto, Said The Furry Man

 

You know, people ask me if I regret being blocked and ostracized by the Death Battle starchamber. They ask if I feel sorry. They ask if I feel bad about my actions. “Gee Otto, don’t you feel bad forcing them to exile you? Don’t you wish you had kept your head down and mouth shut like all the other good boys?”

 

My answer is always the same.

 

What did the Harlequin say to the Ticktockman when he asked him to repent?

 

If your convictions don’t get you in trouble with the neurotic, narcissistic, in a word, bad people that wheedled their way into positions of power, you don’t have convictions, you have obedience.

 

It’s worth it to be ostracized by the starchamber just to hold onto who I am.

 

But you know what makes it more than worth it?

 

It’s when I find out how horrifically, humorously messed up the guys against me are.

 

It’s very rewarding to find the people that hate you are a bunch of degenerate monsters. For those of you who hang out with them, I got to ask you, why don’t they push you away?

 

Speedy Uses The Hard R

 

Now the first person in our story is Speedy, also known as Speedy Calcs, “calcs” being calculations. When you use middle school math to find out how many joules of energy Captain Super used to part a cloud, that’s a calc. That Speedy stresses making these calcs “speedy” instead of “good” doesn’t bode well for his employer.

 

Speedy used to be a contributor for G1, and last year he followed in the footsteps of other G1 boys and got “promoted” to official Death Battle researcher, meaning he gets Swan coffee and nods his head when he says that Dio can punch with the force of several trillion nuclear bombs.

 

My interactions with Speedy were limited. When he celebrated his promotion on twitter, someone chimed in and celebrated that now with his promotion, Death Battle calcs would be more grounded and rational. I replied that Speedy is the last person to push for grounded and rational calcs because, well:

 

 

Guess who Speedy decided had the power of a dwarf star.

 

Go on, guess.

 

That got me blocked, because Death Battle researchers can’t stand criticism. They won’t engage with criticism, because they can’t, they can’t defend their positions and they know it, so they use brute force options like blocking and banning to protect what little “authority” they have in their little spheres of influence.

 

That was way back in August of 2021, so it was almost a year ago. And I haven’t interacted with Speedy yet. That was it between me and Speedy.

 

Then something leaked to the Internet and found its way to 4chan and my discord.

 

That something would be this:

 

 

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here.

 

So, Speedy is extremely spergy and likes to throw around the gamer words. Not surprised. This is in keeping with what we know about his character–thin-skinned and impulsive.

 

That Speedy has trouble controlling himself has been firmly established for awhile:

 

 

“I have the money. I have the balls. You? You have neither.” Picture him saying this while surrounded by Dr. Thunder cans and White Castle bags.

 

Can Speedy even find his balls? He looks down and sees gut, how does he know they’re there?

 

It’s kind of hard to play the tough guy on the Internet when you have to block people for telling you to stop wanking Steven Universe, but you do you, Speedo.

 

Oh god, check that final line. “Your fursona looks like a nigger.”

 

Why you got to drag race into this, Speedy? He even used the hard r. That’s like the Internet white boy dim mak. It’s the forbidden technique

 

I wonder if the other members of the research team are like this. You think Swank takes his underlings aside and reveals his power level to them as a form of intimidation?

 

“Listen here, you little shit–Superman is the strongest character ever in all of fiction. By the way, your avatar? It looks like a chink.”

 

Did Speedy learn by watching papa Swank? The world may never know.

 

And check this part out, this is my favorite:

 

“You are a furry-fucking faggot. You and that horsefucker Ray too (should be to here, Speedo). I did good by chasing him out of the server. It was something I wanted to do for a while, especially when he and his failure of a VS show were my biggest obstacles to get Bill to win against Discord in Death Battle.”

 

Before you ask, no, I have no idea who Ray is or what his failed vs battle show is supposed to be. Given that he’s called “horsefucker,” it’s likely he’s into MLP.

 

Just imagine being such a sad individual that you go on a huge autistic rant over Bill Cipher vs Discord. Just imagine calling someone a faggot and a nigger over, of all possible things, Gravity Falls vs My Little Pony. Imagine being Speedo. Imagine women vomiting in the presence of your beta male aura.

 

But be on the look out for Bill vs Discord. Because apparently, that’s something Speedo wanted to push, and since he’s on the team who knows, maybe he got it in.

 

So watching Speedy go full autismo is fun, especially knowing that the Death Battle starchamber will circle the wagons and blue checkmarks to protect his ass, because the consequences of calling someone a faggot and nigger only apply to people outside the starchamber, and the starchamber loves their little Speedo. But there’s more to the saga. You don’t get a saga just from one autistic explosion. Chris-Chan would have been a literally who if Sonichu was all he did. So there’s more, and it involves who CBKeith2 is. Keep in mind, in case it wasn’t clear by the screengrab, Keith is both the guy being laid into by Speedo and the guy who leaked this to the Internet. He’s the ultimate source of the leak–which makes what he does later weird.

 

The Furry And The Songman

 

At this point in the story, all I know about Keith is what the leak says–

1. He’s a furry.

2. He’s gay.

3. He’s suicidal (“After all, how many times have you whined about wanting to kill yourself?”)

 

So he’s a standard twitterverse dramacow. Still, I’m thinking the guy doesn’t deserve to be lambasted by a Death Battle employee. I’m thinking Keith is probably a teenager, probably some silly kid who looked up to Death Battle and all its researchers. He probably thought they were actually experts on pop culture. He probably thought they were capable of high school math. He probably thought they were cool, and got excited when he found out he could talk to them online.

 

Then when he talked to Speedo, he pissed Speedo off, because Keith had no social skills due to being raised on Internet porn and anime. So Speedo, being a thin-skinned loser who blocks you for disagreeing with his calcs, decided to lay into him when he had enough and really flex that vs battle authority against a socially awkward teenager.

 

That’s what I was thinking happened, so when the leak hit my discord server, I felt bad for Keith. He liked like a victim. And there wasn’t much I could do to help him. He already leaked it. It was out on the Internet, and daddy Swank was no doubt aware of it and circling the wagons to protect his favorite coffee boy. So story over, Speedo’s a scumbag, we already kind of figured that, moving on.

 

Then I found out Keith was in Brandon Yate’s server…and now I got to talk about Brandon Yates.

 

For those who don’t know, Brandon Yates is one of the guys Death Battle hires to make its soundtracks. He’s infamous for taking commissions for vs battle soundtracks with absolutely no restrictions on what he’ll score. Let’s go, Brandon!

 

So I join Brandon’s discord server, and I’m in there for a few weeks, and while I’m there I notice Keith is there to. Small world, I think. I notice he seems to be a mod, or at least very chummy with the mods. Someone from my server gets banned over there because they’re debating a vs battle and tells the other guy they should kill themselves, now. You know, the LTG meme. Such humor is verboten in the discord about fictional homicide simulations, because Keith is friend with the mods and Keith is very open about being suicidal.

 

And now my mood starts to sour on Keith. Why is this suicidal furry, who is apparently triggered by someone saying “kill yourself” in a conversation he’s not apart in, involved in a community centered in fictional homicide, often very violent, very humiliating, homicide?

 

It’s because he’s an attention seeker, obviously. You got a fear of fire, you don’t hang out at the fireworks store unless you’re fishing for people to soothe and protect you.

 

So Keith sucks. Still, that doesn’t make him a bad guy.

 

Yet.

 

Later on, Keith sends one of Brandon’s mods, an 18 year old named Vivian (why the hell an 18 year old is in their server, I don’t know) into my server to check me out, because I’ve been known as the Great Satan to the starchamber ever since I told Malcolm Belmont to go kick rocks, and their fatwa has no expiration date.

 

Vivian finds that I made a joke about what would happen to me if I made a 41 percenter joke in Brandon’s server and banned me for it.

 

Yeah, she banned me for a joke I made in my own server. This one, actually:

 

 

Sorry not sorry, Viv. Here’s another punchline–detransitioning statistics.

 

The Furry Vs Otto

 

Spoilers, I win.

 

So now I think Keith is well and truly out of my life.

 

Then he comes into my server to pump for information about the leak (remember, they think I was the one that leaked the VA spoilers for season 7). Everyone’s polite with him, and you can see our interactions with him in the discord for yourself, our door is always open, and we suggest if he feels bullied by Speedo that he take the screen cap to papa Swank.

 

But get this.

 

Keith says he’s sure that the interaction was faked. It wasn’t really Speedo, you see, it was someone pretending to be Speedo. Because. It was hacker Speedo. Liquid Speedo.

 

So I ask him what Speedo said when he asked him why he just sent a ranting DM at him, because you know, normally someone would message someone and be “dude what the hell?”

 

He tells me he didn’t, and that he hasn’t interacted with Speedy at all since the DM because “their relationship has been rocky but that their “neutral go between says they should be able to talk soon.”

 

So um…yeah. All signs point to it being Speedy. It’s way more likely Speedy just blew up at Keith one day given that apparently, they’ve been going at it for some time and need a third person to facilitate talks between them, then it not being Speedy but Liquid Speedy.

 

But Keith apparently likes chasing clout, because Speedo’s Z-list Internet fame is enough to have him going full battered wife.

 

“I-It wasn’t Speedy-kun’s fault! I made him upset! The mediator said we should be getting back together soon! I-I know we’ve had a rough history, but Speedy would never call me a faggot, that’s so unlike him!”

 

I don’t truck with lickspittles and people without the spine to stand up for themselves, especially when they go into your server, pump you for advice on what to do, leave without unbanning anyone on their server, and do this all while playing defense for the guy that called them a faggot to their face.

 

I wasn’t sad to see Keith leave my server, but I was disappointed he confirmed what Speedy said about him not having balls true.

 

I just wish he didn’t ban another of my guys from the CDB server. Keith was giving him the stink eye, thinking he was the one that leaked the leak, and  then, just by chance, he happened to get dropped from the CDB.

 

Hey Keith, mind checking in with some of the other guys you leaked it to? Or do they get special consideration when they aren’t linked to me?

 

But then he came back, this time in my DMs. And this time he was pissed, you see, because we misidentified him as a mod.

 

 

 

Uh oh!

 

UH OH!

 

LOOK OUT! Keith is assembling his lawyers! He’s about to sue!

 

Whatever you do DON’T say he’s a mod and DON’T say he’s friends with mods or he’ll get his lawyers after you!

 

 

“I only wanted it localized to a few people I trusted.”

How the hell did people know how to be safer and more responsible on the Internet back in the 90’s?

 

Also, it doesn’t really come through in the screenshots, but oh God, he took forever to type this.

 

 

DON’T INTERRUPT ME

 

 

It’s okay guys, he doesn’t have the official mod hat, so he doesn’t whisper on the ol’ whisper network to make people he doesn’t like go away.

 

 

Oh yes. Brandon enters the chat.

 

Damn, there goes Tekkaman Blade vs Rom…

 

 

Best one in the whole set–“He doesn’t have the temperament I look for in my moderation team.”

 

I did laugh when I read this. A student asked me what I was laughing at. I said the class’s grades. Everyone laughed. I got a good rapport with the kids.

 

 

Who wants to bet he actually sent them?

 

So that was it.

 

Or so I thought.

 

I thought Keith was just a socially awkward furry sperg. Amusing, but not worth any further comment.

 

I thought wrong.

 

I learned some stuff about Keith.

 

 

The Twist

 

This is Keith.

 

 

This is also Keith.

 

 

Yeah that’s a…lot of red flags there, isn’t it?

 

Uh, Keith, normal human beings don’t need to post that they don’t want pedos to associate with them. That’s understood. If you have to tell the MAPs to step back, something is very wrong.

 

And oh God…”Minors beware, you’re in for a scare.” Fucking brrrrrr. Easily the scariest thing to ever be associated with Goosebumps.

 

But these are just red flags, right? They don’t mean he’s actually a pedo. Sure, they indicate a better-than-coinflip chance, but there’s a chance he’s not a pedo, right?

 

Recall the original leak image. Sometimes, the biggest secrets are hidden in plain sight.

Don’t look at the discord chat.

 

Instead, look over at what kinds of servers Keith is in.

 

Look at them all.

 

 

Okay, some furry in a diaper, that’s be expected. Something that looks line tangrams, okay.

 

…Degenerate Daycare?

 

Oh sweet god. What Molochian deep-state horror is this?

 

It seems Keith is attracted to the young. The very young.

What’s a word for someone like that? For someone attracted to the very young?

 

Oh yeah, pedophile.

 

Degenerate Daycare. Roll those words around in your head.

 

No wonder he’s suicidal, I’d want to kill myself to if I was him.

 

So…I can’t ask him this, because I’m banned, but can someone ask Brandon why Keith “Degenerate Daycare” Creecher  is in his server?

 

Better question, Vivian is an 18 year old mod, how long exactly has she been friends with Keith? I think that’s something Brandon should ask before Vivian’s parents do.

 

So this is probably why Speedo went off on Keith. Does that redeem Speedo or excuse him using big boy gamer words? No, not in that regard, but now its very understandable why Speedo would go off on a guy like Keith.

 

Speedo, my advice to you is to sever all ties you can with Keith. This is one mother of an albatross around your neck. Don’t talk to him and don’t look back. Your name is Lot and Keith is Sodom.

 

This also explains why none of the big boys like Swank, Ben, and Chad have done anything about Speedo. They don’t want to acknowledge Keith existing. They don’t want to say “We had to fire our newest researcher because he called Keith “Degenerate Daycare” Creecher a faggot.” They just want to ignore this embarrassment.

 

But you know, it’s never going to go away, not fully. The Internet is forever.

 

Clean up your shit, Death Battle community. Because if this is the kind of stuff that leaks out, god knows what you’re keeping behind shut doors.

 

The Update–Alternative Hypotheses

 

The Generally Accepted Hypothesis

 

So the generally accepted series of events for this embarrassing episode of degeneracy and spaghetti spilling is that Speedy got upset at Keith and in a moment of impulse decided to take him aside and lambast him to really flex those Death Battle debater skills. Given that he doesn’t call out Keith for being a pedo, he likely didn’t know how deep the rabbit hole went for Keith (I didn’t either until someone pointed out “Degenerate Daycare” off to the side on the leaks). Given how he talks about Bill vs Discord, he likely got upset over stupid vs battle shit and went at Keith for being team Discord (that’s another L you got to hold, MLP fandom).

 

Then Keith, being as open about his personal drama as he is about his love of pampers, leaks the lambasting to the Internet. He likely did intend for only a few people to see it. He probably wanted to use it as leverage to get back in touch with Speedy, who you’ll recall only talked to Keith through a “go-between.”

 

He certainly didn’t intend for “Degenerate Daycare” to be left uncropped.

 

But there are other interpretations of events.

 

The Liquid Speedy Hypothesis

 

This is the hypothesis Keith himself believes, likely because he wants to hold onto what little parasocial friendship he thinks he has with Speedy. That Z-grade Internet celebrity glitters like a golden diaper to Keith. He wants to be near it. He wants to be in it.

 

Keith believes that it wasn’t Speedy who lambasted him. It was someone else pretending to be Speedy. It was Fake Speedy. Clone Speedy. Liquid Speedy.

 

It’s also the hypothesis Speedo himself backs, because of course he does, what’s he going to do, admit to it? He’s bad with math, but he’s not that dumb.

 

 

“I would have nothing to gain.” No he would. He would get to lay into the annoying furry and flex that he got away with it. He had plenty to gain. Look how he bragged in the screengrab that he would get away with it and that no one would believe he did it. It’s a power thing. He thinks he’s untouchable within the community–and is the community proving him wrong? Of course not. They’re letting him get away with it

 

Something important that subscribers to the Liquid Speedy Hypothesis overlook is that they don’t produce anyone to be Liquid Speedy. Who would LARP as Speedy? You say that it would be someone that wants to get Speedy in trouble. But if that’s so, why involve Keith? Why involve someone that would disavow it? Why not involve themselves, screengrab a conversation with Speedy and then edit it?

 

Who even knew that Speedy and Keith were at loggerheads besides Keith and Speedy?

 

The Keith Hypothesis

 

Now this is an extension of the Liquid Speedy Hypothesis that fingers Keith as Liquid Speedy, but I don’t believe it anymore than I do the general Liquid Speedy Hypothesis.

 

The idea goes that Keith faked the screengrab so he could use it as clout to get back into Speedy’s good graces. “Hey Speedy, remember how I defended you from that hacker posing at you? Wasn’t that nice at me? You were totally in my power and I could have crushed you with a word to your bosses, but I didn’t, because I believed in you, Speed.”

 

I don’t buy it, personally.

 

The Otto Hypothesis!

 

Oh no! What a twist!

 

Bum-bum-bum!

 

Did I do it? Was I Liquid Speedy?

It’s almost touching how smart the vsbw starchamber thinks I am. They think I’m some sort of galaxy brained mastermind like Keyser Soze or Jigsaw or Light Yagami.

 

They think I, all the way back in November, not only infiltrated servers I’m banned in, but then learned about Keith and Speedy and their private beef, about whoever Ray and his vs battle show is, got Keith in an empty server, trusted that he would copy it and leak it to the Internet months later, trusted that it would end up on 4chan and my discord, and trusted that he would leave Degenerate Daycare uncropped right in the corner of his screengrab.

 

Just as planned.

 

It speaks to their ego to that they think someone that can think a billion steps ahead is plying their brainpower to trolling them.

 

The Second Update–Keith’s Therapy Session With Doctor Otto

 

 

Oh uh guys! Keith is back! He’s back! And he’s got the lawyers ready! I don’t know what firm they’re from (and neither does Keith) but they’re ready to serve me! I’m at his mercy! The hammer of lolsuit litigation hangs over my head!

 

 

I love how he backs away from the topic of discovery.

 

Did the lawyers from law firm I-don’t-know-it’s-irrelevant not tell him what discovery is?

 

But anyway, Keith has an explanation for “Degenerate Daycare.” You see, it was all a joke bro. All a social experiment bro. It’s not because it has anything degenerate to do with daycare aged characters, it’s because its a joke. They’re manchildren and it’s their daycare (that the Internet did raise them is likely to blame for how they are today). See it’s all good.

 

 

So according to Keith:

 

1. He’s sexually into diapers.
2. “Degenerate Daycare” has images of infantile pokemon and furries in diapers.
3. But he’s not sexually into these images. Oh no. He is only interested in them for pure reasons.
4. I-It’s just an artstyle. I-It’s just how they’re drawn…

 

 

It’s just an attraction based on cuteness, not lust!

 

Sure, they’re clad in the object of my paraphilia, but it’s not lust!

 

Anyone here ever see Louie Theroux? His documentaries are pretty good. There’s one he has called A Place for Pedophiles, and it’s about him interviewing a bunch of pedophiles in a rehab clinic. I wish I got a clip of it, but I don’t, but anyway he interviews one pedo who has his room absolutely covered in drawings of naked prepubescent boys. And he argues with Louie until he’s blue in the face that there’s nothing wrong with his room, they’re just drawings, they’re not real boys. It’s alright. You know, the characters may be infantilized and wearing diapers and crawling but they aren’t real babies, see they got tails and ears, they’re cartoon rabbits!

 

It’s okay. It’s sublimated. It’s under control.

 

 

 

See guys, it’s fine. Babyfur is only allowed in if its non-fetishistic. Like you know, if the character happens to be an adult changed into a child by a magic ray, that’s not a fetish! That’s okay! And if they’re wearing a diaper, that’s not a fetish, I mean, who has a diaper fetish?

 

 

“Yes, of course I’ve talked with a psychiatrist.”

 

Thank God for small miracles.

 

 

I feel like his response is revealing.

“What did they do? Where were they outed as someone who is a pedophile?”

 

This is Raspberry the Biggest Little. He has less of a filter than Keith. Be warned before you click this link.

Unlike Keith, he is very open about liking toddler-looking cartoon animals in diapers.

 

Keith is close friends with Raspberry the Biggest Little. They even arrange “playdates.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel like this is the most revealing screengrab.

 

Everyone can tell there’s something sexual going on when Raspeberrypamps draws his “babs” in pampers. But Keith can’t draw the connection, or rather, he doesn’t want to.

 

He thinks its cute. He looks at pictures of diapered baby cartoons. He likes them.

 

But it’s okay, but he swears he can flip a mental switch and change his response to his paraphilia from “lust” to “cute.”

 

 

“People who are sex-repulsed can also like diapers and babyfur stuff.”

 

We have reached maximum cope.

 

 

 

Oh yeah. Mark this.

 

There are ferals in Keith’s server.

 

It doesn’t stop at babyfurs folks, no it does not.

 

Ferals. And I’m not going to link you to what that is, I’m afraid you’re just going to have to keyword it. I’m so sorry.

 

 

Keith, you need to send me a letter to C&D me. Get your lawyer from Irrelevant Firm to fill it out for you. Include claim, damages, phone and address of Irrelevant Firm.

 

So that’s his response. Like I told him, I gave him the last word. So what do you think? Did he convince you? Is he not into little toddler creatures wearing diapers? Does his fantasies only involve adult characters?

 

The Third Update–Keith Wants To Sue Me, Then Doesn’t Want To Sue Me

 

This is probably the end of the saga. I hope its the end of the saga. It’s starting to get boring. Isn’t that the way of lolcow sagas? It starts entertaining, and then it just burns out as people find better things to do with their time.

 

 

Is Keith one of those suspiciously wealthy furries you hear about online? I got a laptop. I crop the images because I can’t fit the entire conversation on the screen, I have to scroll. I guess he just has a giga-screen or something where he can display everything and assumes others do as well.

 

But check it out guys. I got 2 days to kill my site, otherwise Irrelevant Firm is going to sue my ass into oblivion. I will be pilloried in the public square.

 

2 days? Keith-sama, mercy! Even the Ring girl gave you 7 days!

 

 

 

I guess Irrelevant Firm finally got around to explaining to Keith what “discovery” means.

 

I guess he realized that it means linking Degenerate Daycare and all it entails to his face, not his fursona avatar, and that the conclusions people will draw will be closer to my own than his.

 

Keith, if you’re reading this, and you probably are, help yourself. The Internet is not your friend. It is doing nothing good for you. Get off it. I know that will be hard for you because you were raised on it, but you need to let it go. Go back to you psychiatrist and tell them everything, and by everything I mean show them everything in Degenerate Daycare. Show them your twitter friends and the art they produce. Show them everything so they can get you the help you need, because right now you’re probably thinking I’m the worse guy in the world. You probably hate my guts and if you could wish me dead, you would. But I’m probably the only guy who has ever told you that what you’re into is not normal or healthy. In that regard, I’ve helped you more than anyone you’ve ever met.