Superheroes are like stars. There are bright ones, and there are those that are dim. And then then there are the ones that need a telescope to be seen–a high powered telescope.

 

Let’s talk about the Wasp. And let’s be clear, we’re not talking about the Wasp of the 30’s (Burton Slade), we’re talking about the Wasp of the 40’s (Dan Burton), though everyone confuses them (much to the chagrin of the Wasp of the 30’s). 

 

Now, to be fair, there’s no clear indication that Dan Burton copied Burton Slade. Burton Slade’s costume was fairly typical of the Masked Mystery Men of his time–a mask, a fedora, a white suit, and a red cape. And Burton Slade stated in a Statesmen Know the Unknown interview that he got the idea for his supername simply from his cape looking like wasp wings over his shoulder. It was thus likely a “convergent evolution” of the superhero concept that produced two very similar Wasps, though another theory goes that Dan Burton was a Fox echo of Burton Slade who somehow fell into our reality. But is it really so unbelievable that two men with similar names would adopt similar costumes?

 

Burton Slade had a fairly successful superhero career. He wasn’t Daredevil or Blue Beetle, but he was respected. In terms of powers, he was a simple enhancile. He was a little stronger than a basic, a little faster, and got by mostly through his wits and quick thinking. Dan Burton was similar. He kept a low profile, was respected, and was a simple enhancile and fought by thinking fast. If you changed the suit from white to brown, you changed one Wasp for the other.

 

But one day while chasing after a pickpocket through the streets of Mainline City, Dan Burton didn’t think fast enough.

 

He fell down an open manhole and died.

 

The Wasp died, and Manholeman was born.

 

Sure, sure. Let us look back on Dan Burton as a man who tried to make a difference and paid the ultimate price for it. Let us look back on Dan Burton as worthy, in his own way, or being remembered like Captain Marvel and Gold Star.

 

He’s still Manholeman.

 

Some things you don’t live down, you know? Though in this case, he didn’t live it up either. Manholeman. The name spread like wildfire. Manholeman. 

 

There’s a saying in the superhero community. “Your enemies decide what you’re called.” And when your overt enemy is the mob and your covert enemy is the press, who have always loved humiliating superheroes (a popular theory for why so many superheroes became journalists was that they wanted to do a little PR control), you get called something awful that’ll stick to you until the day you die. Manholeman.

 

It sure didn’t help that it rolled off the tongue.

 

You have no idea the jokes that came. It was an endless slew. Think of a joke about Manholeman. Come on, think of one. It was already done to death in the forties.

 

And poor Burton Slade! When they fished the Wasp’s body out of the sewer, they thought it was the Wasp. He couldn’t get a night’s rest for a week people kept contacting him to see if he was alive.

 

The Statesmen, with the best of intentions, built a small statue on the street next to the manhole. That was a mistake, that was a huge mistake. But to be fair, the Statesmen were a young organization in the 40’s.

 

The statue made the manhole Manholeman’s manhole forever and ever. It publicized the Wasp’s death and gave Manholeman a tourist attraction. Everyone wanted to take a picture next to Manholeman’s manhole. Throughout the years, idiots have even gotten themselves killed by lifting the manhole and posing for pictures next to the edge.

 

So now it’s the manhole with the most fatalities in history. Now it’s a global attraction. Manholeman’s manhole and the idiots that got themselves killed by it.

 

No one cares that the statue says THE WASP. The manhole marks Dan Burton more than any engraving.

 

Some Dans become insect themed superheroes and do very, very well for themselves. Dan Garrett, most prominently. Some Dans don’t. If there’s a lesson to be learned from the tragically brief life of Dan Burton (and his tragically immortal posthumous reputation) it’s that you should always be mindful of your surroundings.

 

And don’t wear brown. It makes the jokes easier to stick to you.

 

Happy April Fool’s 2021!