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Now, just in time to go with the Grimace shake, McDonalds will be offering purple Goth McNuggets.

 

This is a blowout. Not only did the hosts mention way back on the Raven vs Purple Smart podcast that Raven vs Phoenix would be a curbstomp in Jean’s favor, but look at previous episodes. Mutants have been on a huge streak. Clearly, some X-fag wormed their way on staff and has been working things to get them over. Now that baby’s first X-fu is up at bat, do you really think they’ll let her strike out? Of course not.

 

I mean, come on, did you see the faces they made on the Sam vs Brian podcast when redcoat Swank brought out Phoenix Swank for Brian? Those were the faces of me that just made an episode where Phoenix roasted her opponent.

 

But Who Should Win?

Phoenix, and it shouldn’t even be close. What’s the best Raven has? That she killed her daddy while boosted on the power of friendship? Big deal. Phoenix goes over her dad’s head. As a Phoenix of the White Crown, she can fully embody the Phoenix Force. Most hosts only get a fraction of the power, but not Jean, she’s too Sue for that. She gets to have all the power, and it’s a lot of power. Ewing made the Phoenix something even the Beyonders respected, something so powerful they secretly tapped her as an engine for their big cosmic devices.

The Phoenix is the life force of the entire Marvel multiverse. Her counterpart in the DC cosmology isn’t Trigon, it’s the Life Entity, or Specter–unbound Specter. The Phoenix is at the very tip-top layer of the Marvel cosmic hierarchy. You can count the number of beings above her on one hand. There’s Owen, the Living Tribunal, the One Above All, and maybe a few hyper-esoteric figures like the Griever. But she is up there in the hierarchy. She’s easily the strongest Marvel character the show has ever had on.

Remember how in Darkseid vs Thanos Darkseid won because he has a secret, true, multiversaly-singular form while Thanos was just one Thanos of the multiverse using one version of the Infinity Gauntlet? A lot of people have been calling Raven vs Phoenix the next Zatanna vs Scarlet Witch, but it’s not, its the next Thanos vs Darkseid, but this time Marvel is winnign.

 

But Was White Crown Jean Really That Strong?

No, not really. In context, Morrison seemed to be implying that it was a universe level emanation of the multiversal Phoenix as Xorn-Magneto was able to kill her by giving her a telepathic stroke and ex-Phoenix hosts in the White Hot Room said that touching every atom in the universe would be hard for her to do, even as a Phoenix of the White Crown, but under sanity rules this doesn’t matter, as touching every atom in the universe already puts Jean over Raven, and under Swank rules she is absolutely going to get scaled to the Ewing multiversal Phoenix.

 

They made Apocalypse, a dude that folds against sub-Silver Surfer characters like Shaman Nate, Phoenix level because Dr. Doom once said his Celestial doohickey that he uses to turn people into his cenobite slaves was Phoenix level. There’s no way they aren’t going to make White Crown Jean Ewing level.

 

But What About The Unkindness?

What about her?

 

There’s a limit to what DB allows characters to have in terms of temporary powers and alternate states. We aren’t getting Raven from an alternate timeline aeons in the future after she turns devours all of magic just like how we didn’t get Rune King Thor, Thought Robot Superman, Batkek Batman, Captain Universe Spider-Man, Source Power Billy (remember that?), Nth metal Wonder Woman, etc, etc.

 

So Ultra put her comic down in the recommended reading list. So what? You know what I think? I think they’re going to say something like “In time, Raven could have grown to rival the power of the Phoenix, but as she was, she just couldn’t match the experience and might of an ageless being.”

If Unkindness got in, yeah, Raven might stand a chance if they took the Twitter statements of the hack that wrote her that she was “equal or more powerful than the Presence.” But she’s not getting in. How would that even work in  fight? Raven just turns into herself from another timeline 2/3rds of the way through the fight?

Really, Raven Can’t Win This

Put aside for the moment all the things we know that point to a conclusive Phoenix victory. Put aside Phoenix’s decades of cosmic level feats to Raven’s circumstantial handful. Put aside the hosts already saying on camera that this is a stomp for Jean. Put aside the X-streak. Put all of that aside.

 

Raven can’t win because if she wins, it means a character that exists in duplicate across the DC multiverse will have beaten a multiverse singularity that embodies the combined life force of her her multiverse. It would be a DIALing so complete and total that it would render all future high-level Marvel vs DC matches null and void.

They’re not going to have Satan’s goth daughter destroy all the life force in the Marvel multiverse. Get real. Nothing will make sense anymore if they do. Apocalypse vs Black Adam won’t make sense anymore.

This fight is, as the hosts themselves said, a curbstomp. It’s a feed match. The disparity displayed here is greater than something like Green Lantern vs Nova or Swamp Thing vs Man-Thing.  This is coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb. This is Joe Biden vs Ukrainian oligarchs. This is Hunter Biden’s crack addiction vs White House dignity.

Raven can’t win this. She can’t win this.